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Filtering by Tag: Empathy
Grief and loss come in many forms, not just through death but also broken relationships, health challenges, and lost dreams. The cost of love is grief, but in the end, it's worth it. This post explores how our hearts grow to hold both the pain and joy of life.
Read MoreThere is this thing about “understanding” that speaks right into someone’s situation and says “I see you and I hear you”. And doesn’t everyone want to be seen and heard? Is that not the single universal feeling that burns inside every human being’s core desire? In one way or another, we all just want to be seen, to be heard, and to be truly understood.
The dictionary definition of understanding is “sympathetic awareness”. To me, this speaks of not JUST listening but listening with an intent to gain a deep connection to another person’s experience.
It is actively making an attempt to sit in the situation with someone until you feel it for yourself. But understanding isn’t always free. Truly understanding someone can come at a cost. That cost is that you just might feel a bit of their hurt with them, on their behalf.
Read MoreWith social media now being so entirely part of everyday life, it makes it even harder for people with invisible illnesses, to show up guilt-free. The thing about social media is, it’s not real. What’s going on in someone’s life vs what you actually see is vastly different. And so it should be. We have forgotten the art of thoughtfully and privately sharing the most challenging and vulnerable parts of ourselves with the people who have earned the right to hear our full story. Social media isn’t the place for it. And so what has developed is an inauthentic ‘authenticity’ that crafts an alternate reality of our lives. That is not necessarily a bad thing. We all need an escape from the mundane, and sharing the good stuff for everyone to enjoy with us, is an excellent thing. But we have to remember that we cannot judge what’s really going on in someone’s life from a single photo that they post on social media, alone.
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“Empathy has always been a value that has underpinned who I am as a person.”
Empathy has always been a value that has underpinned who I am as a person. From a young age, compassion was at my core, caring for people holistically; emotionally, spiritually and physically, seemed to come naturally. It really wasn’t a surprise that I began my adult career as a Nurse…
I remember in one of my Nursing classes having a disagreement (read *argument*) with one of my lecturers who suggested that care and empathy were not essential qualities in a Nurse. I have worked with (and been on the receiving end of…) Nurses who possess a great deal of care and empathy, and I have also worked with some who possess none. Let me tell you, not one of those Nurses functioning devoid of care or empathy should have their registration. Not only are these essential qualities in a health-care professional, they really are essential qualities in a human.
“Empathy is “the ability to UNDERSTAND another person's feelings or experience…””
People often confuse empathy with sympathy, but there is a distinct difference. The Oxford Dictionary defines sympathy as: "the feeling of being sorry for somebody” caring, feeling for, loving. But empathy goes one step further. Empathy is “the ability to UNDERSTAND another person's feelings or experience…” . Making the decision to put on someone else’s shoes, take a 100 mile walk, until your feet bleed too!
Sympathy looks at a situation and says “I have no idea what you’re going through, but I’m sad for you”. Empathy looks at a situation and says “I have no idea what you’re going through, I’m sad for you, so let me step into the situation WITH you, so I can at least TRY to UNDERSTAND what you’re going through.” It’s like sympathy levelled up!
“…I know the loneliness of hoping for SOMEONE to understand…”
Although empathy has always been a value i’ve held on to, joining the Chronic Illness Club (not a real club, just a metaphorical one…) took my passion for empathy to a new place of importance. I began to empathise with empathy! Going through a seemingly endless supply of tests… being prodded and poked, on the receiving end of both great and poor care and forever in judgemental stares because I “look fine”, gave me a unique understanding of just what my patients had felt so often. But more than that, the feeling of isolation that comes with an invisible illness… Friends and family sympathise so well, they care and they love, but empathy is few and far between, because stepping into a place of understanding for this area of life, is so hard if you haven’t physically experienced what it’s like. Empathy is hard to achieve in some situations… Invisible illness is one of those, and I know the loneliness of hoping for SOMEONE to understand, so well (whilst at the same time, grateful when people can’t understand, simply because I don’t wish that true understanding on anyone).
“…replacing the sympathetic platitudes with empathetic realism. Real life cards; for real life people.”
One of the worst parts of getting poorly wasn’t even the physical pain and turmoil, it was the friends who had no idea what to say to me, and so said nothing. (Usually out of fear of not wanting to say the wrong thing, having no words, and not understanding what I was going through.) What I realised was, for me; and many others in so many varying situations, receiving a message that said “I don’t understand, and I don’t know what to say.” would have been a million times better than hearing nothing. And so, Thatch Creative: Empathy Cards, was born. I wanted to create a way for people to be able to take baby steps into empathising with their loved ones. Bridging the gap, and replacing the sympathetic platitudes with empathetic realism. Real life cards; for real life people.
But the cards were not, and are not, the only place in my business where empathy plays a leading role. Empathy flows through my freelance veins too. Whether it’s a small business getting to grips with branding, or a charity needing a comms overhaul and needing to be handed the tools to maintain a sustainable Communications Strategy…I come at all of my freelance projects with empathy. Adopting a fundamental element of “What is it like in this situation for this person/organisation? Let me understand what you’re dealing with so we can make a plan that will be empathetic to who you are, where your story has come from, where it is now, and where it’s going.” And my goodness, if I can’t empathise straight away, I’ll go away and find a way to grasp at the very basic of understanding. Empathy is always available, you just have to be brave enough to ask the questions and find a way to get a shoe in the door of understanding… Even if it takes a while to find it!
I came across this quote from Barack Obama, which grabbed my heart and reminds me of the “why” behind empathy:
“Learning to stand in someone else’s shoes, to see through their eyes, that’s how peace begins. And it’s up to you to make that happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.”
