Use the form on the right to contact us.
You can edit the text in this area, and change where the contact form on the right submits to, by entering edit mode using the modes on the bottom right.
Filtering by Category: My Story
Grief and loss come in many forms, not just through death but also broken relationships, health challenges, and lost dreams. The cost of love is grief, but in the end, it's worth it. This post explores how our hearts grow to hold both the pain and joy of life.
Read More
“Empathy has always been a value that has underpinned who I am as a person.”
Empathy has always been a value that has underpinned who I am as a person. From a young age, compassion was at my core, caring for people holistically; emotionally, spiritually and physically, seemed to come naturally. It really wasn’t a surprise that I began my adult career as a Nurse…
I remember in one of my Nursing classes having a disagreement (read *argument*) with one of my lecturers who suggested that care and empathy were not essential qualities in a Nurse. I have worked with (and been on the receiving end of…) Nurses who possess a great deal of care and empathy, and I have also worked with some who possess none. Let me tell you, not one of those Nurses functioning devoid of care or empathy should have their registration. Not only are these essential qualities in a health-care professional, they really are essential qualities in a human.
“Empathy is “the ability to UNDERSTAND another person's feelings or experience…””
People often confuse empathy with sympathy, but there is a distinct difference. The Oxford Dictionary defines sympathy as: "the feeling of being sorry for somebody” caring, feeling for, loving. But empathy goes one step further. Empathy is “the ability to UNDERSTAND another person's feelings or experience…” . Making the decision to put on someone else’s shoes, take a 100 mile walk, until your feet bleed too!
Sympathy looks at a situation and says “I have no idea what you’re going through, but I’m sad for you”. Empathy looks at a situation and says “I have no idea what you’re going through, I’m sad for you, so let me step into the situation WITH you, so I can at least TRY to UNDERSTAND what you’re going through.” It’s like sympathy levelled up!
“…I know the loneliness of hoping for SOMEONE to understand…”
Although empathy has always been a value i’ve held on to, joining the Chronic Illness Club (not a real club, just a metaphorical one…) took my passion for empathy to a new place of importance. I began to empathise with empathy! Going through a seemingly endless supply of tests… being prodded and poked, on the receiving end of both great and poor care and forever in judgemental stares because I “look fine”, gave me a unique understanding of just what my patients had felt so often. But more than that, the feeling of isolation that comes with an invisible illness… Friends and family sympathise so well, they care and they love, but empathy is few and far between, because stepping into a place of understanding for this area of life, is so hard if you haven’t physically experienced what it’s like. Empathy is hard to achieve in some situations… Invisible illness is one of those, and I know the loneliness of hoping for SOMEONE to understand, so well (whilst at the same time, grateful when people can’t understand, simply because I don’t wish that true understanding on anyone).
“…replacing the sympathetic platitudes with empathetic realism. Real life cards; for real life people.”
One of the worst parts of getting poorly wasn’t even the physical pain and turmoil, it was the friends who had no idea what to say to me, and so said nothing. (Usually out of fear of not wanting to say the wrong thing, having no words, and not understanding what I was going through.) What I realised was, for me; and many others in so many varying situations, receiving a message that said “I don’t understand, and I don’t know what to say.” would have been a million times better than hearing nothing. And so, Thatch Creative: Empathy Cards, was born. I wanted to create a way for people to be able to take baby steps into empathising with their loved ones. Bridging the gap, and replacing the sympathetic platitudes with empathetic realism. Real life cards; for real life people.
But the cards were not, and are not, the only place in my business where empathy plays a leading role. Empathy flows through my freelance veins too. Whether it’s a small business getting to grips with branding, or a charity needing a comms overhaul and needing to be handed the tools to maintain a sustainable Communications Strategy…I come at all of my freelance projects with empathy. Adopting a fundamental element of “What is it like in this situation for this person/organisation? Let me understand what you’re dealing with so we can make a plan that will be empathetic to who you are, where your story has come from, where it is now, and where it’s going.” And my goodness, if I can’t empathise straight away, I’ll go away and find a way to grasp at the very basic of understanding. Empathy is always available, you just have to be brave enough to ask the questions and find a way to get a shoe in the door of understanding… Even if it takes a while to find it!
I came across this quote from Barack Obama, which grabbed my heart and reminds me of the “why” behind empathy:
“Learning to stand in someone else’s shoes, to see through their eyes, that’s how peace begins. And it’s up to you to make that happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.”
This, is me, Karen Thatcher, the Thatch behind the Creative.
I grew up in Ashford, Kent with my small, but special family, before heading off on a far away journey to University in… Canterbury…30 minutes up the road. (Yes, yes, I am a ‘Home Bird’ and don’t like to stray too far from the nest.)
I trained as a Nurse and thrived in the busy and hectic world of hospital wards. My day to day life was 13 hour shifts, dealing with patients from every walk of life- a privilege and an honour (most of the time)!
As a Christian, my “spare time” (for those of you who are healthcare professionals, you’ll appreciate the irony of those two words) was spent leading different areas of church life and enjoying all that that brought. [Arriving from a long shift, in my scrubs, to worship band practice…always fun…]
Until, my world changed.
Here comes the reality in all it’s honesty.
Working in a hospital has it’s natural occupational hazards, picking up bugs is just path of the course. And that’s what happened. I picked up a virus like any other; it just so happened that this one didn’t go away. And so, life stopped a bit for me.
My world was very quickly stripped back to basics as my parents scooped me up and brought me home (they are the most incredible humans, I can’t even begin to express my infinite gratitude to them…). I could no longer work; and some days, I couldn’t even get out of bed. Not ideal being in my early 20’s, and as someone who thrives on the busy.
The next few years took a lot of adjustment as I battled the line of hope and acceptance. [I don’t use the word ‘battle’ lightly, it really is a massive battle.] Getting on with the every-day, whilst hoping that at some point, i’d be better. It’s not an easy balance.
I think it’s safe to say, that what came next was, and continues to be, a massive learning curve.
Here are the headlines of what I’ve learnt so far:
Family celebrates in the joy, and grieves in the pain. Family matters.
(Whatever your family unit looks like. For me… it is my parents, siblings, SIL and nibling. Your family may look different and may not even be made up of blood relatives. Your family is your family.)
Friendships are dealt in quality not quantity.
(When you hit a bump in the road, you quickly discover the friendships that will endure, and the people who love you for YOU, and not for what you can DO.)
Bodies break, and bodies suck sometimes. It’s just the reality.
(Horrible reality, but reality none-the-less.)
Churches aren’t perfect; but God is.
WHO you are is not defined by WHAT you can do.
(Your job does not define you. And neither does your illness.)
Hope does not mean giving up until change comes. Hope means having faith whilst you do your best to wade in the mud.
(Trusting that there will be solid ground at some point, but knowing that you won’t find that solid ground if you just stop and sink.)
They are some of the highlights (or lowlights, however you look at it) of the things I have learnt and continue to learn. Maybe i’ll expand them at another point.
“So how did I get from Nursing; to poorly; to here? ”
So how did I get from Nursing; to poorly; to here?
Quite simply… I’ll go ahead and say, the answer to that is ‘God only knows’. (LITERALLY).
As I said in my “lesson’s learnt”, Churches aren’t perfect. They’re filled with people, and people make mistakes. And although that’s a story for another day, the long and short of it is, I ended up out of Church for the first part of being poorly. (Church let me down a bit, GOD did NOT.) That was until I stumbled upon a couple of passionate, sarcastic, real-life church leaders who were changing lives and taking names, in Ashford. I can say, with all love and respect (because i’ve said it to their faces before now!) Ashford Vineyard was pretty much nothing I thought I wanted in a Church, and everything I needed. Fast forward a few more years (I am a very stubborn human)… after a long while of loving me from a distance, and being very patient with me and my trust issues, Ashford Vineyard became my home. (Regardless of the fact that I don’t make it to Sunday mornings often- fatigue does not do well in that environment. [For anyone who knows, or wants to understand… that kind of attack of the senses; the sights, sounds, lights and hubbub of humans is a spoon zapper like no other!] Thankfully, Church is more than a Sunday morning…)
I ended up taking on the role of Volunteer Communications Administrator at AV- they’d never had a Comms person before, I had never been one… [It was a blag of mammoth proportions, on both sides.] And I began to develop skills I never even knew were sitting inside me ready to be unleashed. Developing the Comms role was a challenge, it wasn’t always easy, or plain sailing. But I learnt how to create media with Marc, my partner in crime.* Designing artwork, making videos, stepping into more and more photography, developing social media strategies, and so the list continues. All energy permitting, and mostly from the comfort of my PJs and sofa.
*(That man deserves a lot of thanks, for believing in me; being my second eyes, second ears; throwing me in the deep end often, and teaching me to just do it and see what happens…And also for his constant patience/telling me to shut up when I needed it.)
“When I eventually took a step back from that role, I was at a bit of a loss, once again questioning my identity, and what was next for me. ”
When I eventually took a step back from that role, I was at a bit of a loss, once again questioning my identity, and what was next for me. I knew that I had a passion burning inside me, to help other people who had stories like me, feel less alone. I also knew the pain of friends not knowing what to say, when life is turned upside down, and so saying nothing in worry of saying the wrong thing. And so… Thatch Creative was born (after a long time of to-ing and fro-ing about whether it was a good idea, and whether it would crash, burn and fail miserably. (The fear is real.) Coupled with working out if it was a wise use of money to invest in a business, after not working for several years and only relying on savings…. [Did you know it takes the average small business 5 years to start making a profit?! Joy…] BUT, it all came down to feeling like God was giving me the thumbs up, and…well… YOLO.) I had done a few little design jobs for people, alongside the Comms role, and the odd photoshoot here and there, so it made sense that if I was taking the plunge, I might as well go all out and live the Freelance life too.
And so… One year ago today (11th January 2019), I launched my website, and opened shop. I began creating and selling cards with a heart, giving people the words to say, when there are no words. An honest “Oh CRAP”, when airy fairy platitudes won’t do. A bit of sarcasm to bring a moment of relief in the battle. Whether it’s chronic illness (physical or mental), bereavement, heart break, or just a plain rubbish week. Breaking the barriers, and hopefully relieving loneliness, one card at a time.
Freelance work has been a small part of Thatch Creative so far, as i’ve been working to get the shop running smoothly, but this year, i’ll be open to more business. I’ve had such a great time working with people that I love and respect, creating logos, social media artwork, videos etc. Doing some very special photoshoots that capture the heart of a family. Design, photography and small video projects are all part of my remit. And i’m really looking forward to growing that side of my business in the next year and beyond.
“Life is not over for you. You are not alone. WHO you are is not defined by WHAT you can do. Your illness does not define you.”
Let’s be honest, chronic Illness SUCKS. It does. It’s painful, it’s emotionally challenging, it’s destructive and it’s lonely. It’s practically a logistical nightmare to juggle life around. To learn the art of putting on a brave face, but also be vulnerable when it’s needed. To guard your heart, but let people in too. It’s a MINEFIELD. My life is not where I anticipated it would be right now. Everything has changed. And I won’t sit here and tell you that i’ve got my shizzle together, and life is dandy. BUT if you are reading this, and are currently struggling in some way, I WILL tell you this… Life is not over for you. You are not alone. WHO you are is not defined by WHAT you can do. Your illness does not define you. (Some days, knowing that is easier said than done…)
My story, so far, has had many peaks and troughs, and I hope that I can share some more elements and expand a bit on the the last few years, to help and inspire you in your current situation… Or just to give you a laugh at my expense. Either is an acceptable result!
My story is mine. Yours will never be mine, and mine will never be yours. But I hope that by being honest, and occasionally vulnerable about where i’ve come from, and how chronic illness effects my life; the highs and the lows, I can breed some vulnerability in return, and give you the confidence to own who YOU are. In all it’s ugly beauty.
With love,
KT. x
*Be in touch, i’m just a click away.*
